Many people approach their first matchmaking session the way they'd approach a job interview — presenting their best self, keeping the difficult stuff vague. This is understandable but counterproductive. The more honest and self-aware you can be from the start, the better the introductions will be.

Here's what to think through before you begin.

Get clear on what you actually want — not what sounds good

There's a difference between what we say we want in a partner and what we actually respond to. "Kind, emotionally available, good communicator" sounds right. But do those descriptors reflect the people you've actually been drawn to? If not, why not?

Before your session, spend some time thinking honestly about the qualities that have drawn you to past partners — including the ones you know weren't good for you. Patterns are information. A good matchmaker will ask about this, and your honest answer will shape the search significantly.

Understand your dealbreakers — and which are genuinely non-negotiable

Most people have a long list of dealbreakers when they start thinking about it. Many of these are genuine; some are rationalised preferences that sound more principled than they are.

Think about which items on your list are truly non-negotiable (values, life goals, children, location) and which are preferences you could flex on if everything else were right. A matchmaker can work with real dealbreakers. A list of forty non-negotiables is harder to work with.

Be ready to talk honestly about why previous relationships ended

This is the part people most want to skip. But your relationship history is your matchmaker's most important data. The patterns in how your relationships have started, developed and ended tell them far more about who to introduce you to than any profile description could.

You don't need to have everything figured out. But you do need to be willing to reflect honestly, rather than presenting a version of events that casts you in the best light.

Know your availability — practically and emotionally

Matchmaking works best when you're genuinely ready to meet someone. This sounds obvious but often isn't. Are you over your last relationship? Are you actually available to invest time in dating? Are there significant life events (a move, a career change, a difficult family situation) that would make it hard to be present?

There's no shame in saying "I'm interested in starting this process but need a few months." A good matchmaker will work with that. Starting before you're ready wastes everyone's time — including yours.

Prepare for honest feedback

Part of what you're paying for in professional matchmaking is expertise — including feedback you might not want to hear. If your matchmaker tells you that something about how you're presenting yourself is likely creating a barrier, or that a specific expectation is unrealistic given what you're offering, that feedback is valuable.

Going in with an open mind — genuinely open, not just politely nodding — will get you much further than going in to have your existing views confirmed.

Questions to ask a potential matchmaker

Before committing to a matchmaking service, it's worth asking:

  • How large is your active database, and how do you recruit new candidates?
  • How many introductions can I expect, and over what timeframe?
  • What happens if I'm not happy with the introductions — is there a feedback process?
  • Do you work with clients in my age range and situation regularly?
  • Can you tell me about a successful match you've made recently?

A good matchmaker will welcome these questions. Vague or defensive answers are a signal to look elsewhere.